Better than the first in every imaginable way, and considering the first was one of the best games on PS3, that makes R2 pretty damned incredible.

“If I am buying a tartiflette to share among my famished children, I will pay 25% more than last year. If that isn’t the very definition of national humiliation, I don’t know what is.”

- Boris Johnson

It’s good, but it’s no Captain MacMillan.

If you find yourself with an extra £40 this autumn, you could do a lot worse than pick up a copy of Mercenaries 2 (but for christ’s sake, avoid the PS2 version). The PS3 version, for example, is a cracker of a game , and not just because you get paid for levelling cities. Sometime in November it’s set to become even better with some DLC, including two very interesting new playable characters:

Yes, that it Democratic U.S. Presidential nominee Barack Obama, and Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Yes, you can blow up tanks and hijack helicopters dressed as them. No, Ralph Nader isn’t involved.

Badgers.

Badgers.

Badgers!

They’re so awesome

Badgers

Yeah.

We’re all just holograms in someone’s sick game of Universe™: The Reckoning™ (Out now for £24.99 with a special edition Universe™ Poster!).

It has come to my attention that despite two different people contribute to this blog, YOU, the viewer, don’t who who wrote what. This may present a problem in the future, since one of us may say something a bit controversial and you may want to make fun of our names in a passive-agressive comment. But fear not! Here is the easy-peasy guide to telling me and Sarm apart:

Sarm’s writing style: Informative, factual, use of logic and criticism of the fallicious logic of others.

My writing style: Angry, impulsive, calls at least two people an idiot per post, drenched with hyperbole.

Sarm’s tags: Relevant to the post.

My tags: Tenuous link to post, usuallyan obscure pop-culture reference.

Sarm’s topics: Trivia, science, technology, quotes, politics, the internet

My topics: Videogames.

So there you go! Guess who wrote what on this blog and you could win absolutely bugger all!

So, I found this list today… (http://www.amigamccc.org/journal/0711fact.htm) thought it was pretty much bullshit, so I went *out of my way* to debunk it.

“Things You Probably Already Know, But Have Forgotten…” <- way to suck up to the reader instead of putting a “Things you don’t know because no-one knows everything especially not every little rare fact everywhere”.

1. Money isn’t made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton.

Well, that depends whose money you’re harping on about. I think at least one British banknote is made out of a polymer, or something.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

I don’t… care about that. But I do know that the one on display is written on vellum. Next!

3. The dot over the letter i is called a “tittle.”

True.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

True, due to bubbles getting stuck to the raisin at the bottom and popping at the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

False. Just because once they had similiar hairstyles, jeez.

6. 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

Maybe. Remember profits != sales.

7. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

Interesting, the word “Webster’s” isn’t copyrighted. Therefore, I could write this post and call it a Webster’s Dictionary. I beter not missspel eny wurds tehn.

8. The ’spot’ on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

False. It was a red background that mutated into a circle into a dot.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

Bull-faeces.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

Who are these people? But it’s true…

11. Chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

And ferrets.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

Exploding sharks? Really? You can’t believe this.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Wrong, although some products actually have ingredients *deriving* from fish scales, there’s not actually a product in which they stick in fish scales and hope for the best.

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

False. The Finnish aren’t prudes.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

Uh-huh.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named ‘upper’ and ‘lower’ because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the ‘upper case’ letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, ‘lower case’ letters.

True.

17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

Not confirmed by witnesses.

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

No, they were made of plaster.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

Depend on the casino. Most don’t want you to see how much time has elapsed, so therefore no clocks or windows or passing time-men.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

False; Wendy is welsh for fair-skinned, and has been in family names for zonks.

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

Wrong! Ha! All the following words *are* in the Oxford English Dictionary: empurple, ellver (pronounced eel-verr), quicksilver, salver and lozenge.

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.

Wrooooong. Scissors were already around and he worked on the big lady on and off.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Why would a scorpion be affected by its own venom? False.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original “Halloween” was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

True.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

True, but who cares?

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

Well, quicksand is all about the struggle. Stop struggling, and your rate of sinking will decrease. Just swim slowly, and you will get out.

27. The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a truely civilized society.)

Utter crapola.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

Nope. The word was meant to conjugate connotations of something along the lines of “sound in motion”.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It’s the same with apples!

True. But don’t forget about the calories spent digesting it and expelling it.

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

I tried this, it didn’t work.

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

Sounds true, but they actually don’t certify it. It’s just vegetable glue.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

Nope, more books about witchcraft and dreams are stolen.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

Funny. But false. They are put on a low-excretion diet 3 days before a flight so they won’t fill up their suit’s uhh… disposal facilities as quickly.

34. There is no word in the english language that ends in “mt” except for “dreamt”

False! What about “undreamt”, or “daydreamt”?

And that’s that. If you think I got any of these wrong, either shut up or email me.

In an industry where America is so concerned with reminding us that they “Saved (our) asses” in World War 2 (because we were getting totally beaten up by Germany in the three years before you bothered to show up) that they’ve started inventing fictional wars where they save our asses, it’s a breath of fresh air to see some genuinely badass English, Scottish and even Irish heroes (sorry Wales). Granted, many of these end up with ridiculous “Tea and crumpets” accents, but a few manage to make it through beta without being transported back to the 1880’s. Here are some of the best:

1) Pycho (Crysis/Crysis Warhead)

Despite being in the SAS (and thus immune to bullets, explosions or pain), this grunting Vinnie Jones-alike is kitted with some kind of magical exoskeleton that multiplies his hardness by…like…four. He also has some great lines, such as the one in this post’s title (after being mistaken for a Yank for the umpteenth time).

2) Ewan (Mercenaries 2)

Ewan, despite his biker tats and Gareth Gates hairstyle, is 100% Irish beef. His job is to use his big green (naturally) helicopter to help you steal munitions, cash and oil, as well as airdrop all kinds of awesome kit. Whenever you hear his charming tones over the radio you know he’s about to bring in anything from more C4 explosives to a big fuck-off tank. Also he’s invincible, which helps in a warzone.

3) Half the cast of Call of Duty 4

There are more awesome Cockneys in this game than you can shake a sand-coloured beret at. Gaz! Captain Price! Mac! (You never see him, but he sounds cool.) Walcroft! Griffen! Cover our six Gaz again! The unknown guy who says “FIFTY THOUSAND PEOPLE USED TO LIVE HERE…” at the start! And of course, the world’s most epic Scot, Capt. MacMillan. This man eats grenades without milk, and doesn’t have a Ctrl button on his computer keyboard. Why? Because Captain MacMillan is always in control.

4) The Demoman (Team Fortress 2)

Despite being an overpowered turd in practice, when in casual conversation with this Scottish lunatic, he’s fucking funny.

5) Lawrence the Butler (Ratchet and Clank 3)

Despite m saying I’d omit characters with posh, plummy accents, Lawrence is a butler, so it doesn’t count as it’s part of his job. Besides having a wit drier than a martini in the Sahara, he plays bass, which scores him +400 kickarse points with me.

Well it’s back to October now, and all my favourite TV shows are coming out, but I also have work to do, and then I have to find a way of getting money in return for physical labour…

There’s no time! Just no time anymore!

I blame… Auraura Borealis. Just because I can.